Learning Japanese Customs

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Daniel
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Learning Japanese Customs

Post by Daniel »

I'm looking for a good book or two that survey Japanese customs, i.e., what to do/say in common situations.

Any suggestions?
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greg
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Re: Learning Japanese Customs

Post by greg »

I think I have a few. I have not looked at them for a very long time. When I unpack them, I'll let you know.
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Daniel
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Re: Learning Japanese Customs

Post by Daniel »

I'm bumping this up, now that Peter's back. :D
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Re: Learning Japanese Customs

Post by greg »

Thanks for bumping this. A weekend or two ago, I finally bought a bookshelf for the entrance hallway of our apartment, and I unpacked the box that had all of my language learning and cultural learning books. Culture Shock! Japan by Rex Shelley is an interesting book that describes how to socialize, what to do in certain situations, and so on. From a more historical and anthropological standpoint, there is Behind the Japanese Bow by Boye Lafayette De Mente. He's a prolific writer on the subject of Japanese culture, as well as Asian culture and even American Indians (as I was surprised to see such books under his name on Amazon, although he does live in Arizona). I got to meet him once while I was in college, taking a Japanese history class (I graduated from ASU). He also has a book called The Japanese Have a Word for It: The Complete Guide to Japanese Thought and Culture, however I do not own this and have not read it yet. Perhaps a better book (although I do not own this one either, nor have I yet read it) is his book Etiquette Guide to Japan: Know the Rules that Make the Difference! I'd put my money probably on this book as well as the Culture Shock Japan book.
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Re: Learning Japanese Customs

Post by davemerrill »

Greg and Peter, here's a question for you guys; how comfortable are you in formal Japanese situations? Are you expected to maintain the complicated politeness levels and all that jazz, or are you given some slack?
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Re: Learning Japanese Customs

Post by davemerrill »

I imagine business situations require extremely precise manners, to be sure.
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Re: Learning Japanese Customs

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davemerrill wrote:Greg and Peter, here's a question for you guys; how comfortable are you in formal Japanese situations? Are you expected to maintain the complicated politeness levels and all that jazz, or are you given some slack?
I am given slack, I think. For those who take the effort to learn the customs, however, they are respected far more. Fortunately, I don't have to be a part of many formal situations. If it is for a school ceremony or whatever, I just follow what everyone else is doing. It's sort of when I visited my friend's Catholic church once as a kid. I was bewildered by how many times they stood up, recited something, and sat back down. Compared to that, Japanese formal situations are a piece of cake. Considering that many English teachers don't even bother learning the language to any real proficiency, the staff at my schools think I am pretty awesome and they are impressed that I can have a regular conversation with them. The key is to bow when bowed to, don't put your hands in your pockets, etc. When we were all being introduced to the city's board of education, this one dude had his hands in his pockets and just nodded his head to them. Holy crap, that is so arrogant and condescending, but he probably had no idea how insulting and cocky he was being.
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Re: Learning Japanese Customs

Post by kndy »

I know I had a book on doing business in Japan. But to tell you the truth, I learned more through observing and trial and error.

One that is difficult for me is the alcohol. I stopped drinking alcohol long ago, but in Japan, I know it's considered rude not to drink but one day, I was taken to a dinner by an owner of a company. And the dinner went well, but towards the end...he started buying more and more alcohol. I couldn't do it but everyone was really pressuring me to drink and he was not taking no for an answer. He purchased a very expensive bottle of sake and I forced myself to drink it.

I figured I was going to pay for my meal but I was told that everyone must pay for their food but also the alcohol. And I thought he was going to pay for it but then everyone started to put money out and I suppose the American side of me was thinking, it was his alcohol, why do I have to pay? Lol... But I put 5,000 yen as everyone else was doing it or spending much more.

But as I was leaving, he came up to me and shook my hand and inside his hand was the money I paid. And he gave me a smile and said thank you.
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Re: Learning Japanese Customs

Post by gaijinpunch »

Generally speaking, you're given tons of slack here as a foreigner. This is one of the few upsides here, and actually makes sense. It's so hard to assimilate, and as a foreigner you enjoy very few benefits that Japanese do (but get a lot they don't as well, for the record). However, the better your Japanese, the more you're expected to keep up with, so be careful. The most important thing is of course, showing that you're at least trying. There's this weird marriage between Japanese culture and Japanese language. The two are so intertwined you cannot fully grasp one without the other. So, for you guys on that side of the pond, the best is to just study. Then if you ever come over here, just jump in. If a group of people laugh at you, you did something wrong.

I know that sounds ridiculous but that's basically how it goes. ;)
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